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Scene Four: The Jerk Acts Sceptical
Scene: interior of a shack. Night. The faces of a group of people illuminated by a candle. Outside drunken bikers roar their engines; the air is thick with pot and incense. Zepplin on the cheap stereo, Plant wailing something about how his "sa-wee-eet ho-nee chy-old wo-man hath du-whoa-un me wr-o-wong." A joint goes around the tightly clustered group. It stays for a long time in the hands of the Jerk, who hogs it. The Jerk should be lanky, unshaven, sporting a bandana in the style of d'Axl Rose. CLOSE UP of the Jerk's stubbled visage as he purses his lips, squints, and hauls on the joint.
The other characters are the HERO, a clean-shaven youth with a knowing way about him, and the SMART GIRL, who is wearying of the Jerk's joint-hogging antics. Apart from the group, not partaking of the joint, is the silent figure fo JESUS, who is reading Finnegan's Wake for the second time.
CLOSE UP of the SMART GIRL.
S.G.: Hey, JERK! Quit hogging that joint!
JERK: (Creases face into a leer) Aw, shaddup already. I gotta smoke more than youse guys cause I got a higher tolerance! I've been smoking since the third grade!
HERO: Pass the doobie. (Jerk complies)
S.G.: One of them bikers was telling me about the legend of the Sasquatch.
JERK: Da Bigfoot? What a load of hokum! What a load! Who's afraid of the Bigfoot? A fairy story! An old wive's tale! Total bullshit! Fuckit! Who's afraid? Not me! Not the Fucken Jerk!
JESUS gets a giaconda smile on his bearded visage. The shot changes to an exterior view of the cabin, where an enormous, grungy looking ape is hanging out, listening in on the conversation.
Scene Five: The Jerk Dies
The JERK is planting trees in a pair of pink spandex shorts, shirtless, listening to GNR on his walkman, singing along in his tuneless and annoying manner.
JERK: Welcome to the jungle, gonna get down on your na-na-na-na-knees....
SASQUATCH comes tearing up out of the woods and kills him. Before he dies we get a CLOSE UP of his terrified face, lots of laughs all around for the audience.
Courtesy of C. Austin (wherever you are)
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